There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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