I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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