So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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