And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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