i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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