Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
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I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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