I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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