FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize