I cannot find my penis.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
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HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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