i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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