I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize