just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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