So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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