I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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