I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
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You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You are a genius and a whore.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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