Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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