i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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