why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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