I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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