You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize