dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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