omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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