Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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