not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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