the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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