i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
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Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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