If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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