i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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