Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize