sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize