everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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