I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
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If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
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I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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