3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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