I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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