I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm both gender and math confused
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