We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize