An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
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You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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