I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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