Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize