don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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