Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize