a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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