you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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