i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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