I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize