Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
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I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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