I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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