Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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