Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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