"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
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Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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